So today Jesse left Pittsburgh and headed to DC, for his brand new, crazy, insane, awesome 8 month touring gig with Marvel Universe Live! We said goodbye early this morning amidst the normal everyday chaos of our morning routine, that getting-out-of-the-door-and-off-to-school madness that is all too normal.
We only had time for a minute or two of quiet reflection, and then he was off. On his way to airport.
Off to have his own adventures.
I guess we’ve had some time to brace ourselves for this impending reality. I guess we’ve sort of coped in advance. The way that neurotic people cope with change. We’ve had all the conversations we can possibly have for now, about what it means to be family and be apart.
Apart for eight months.
I’m sure, in the future, I’ll feel differently, than I do now. I’m sure when I’m lonely for husband, my best friend, my only friend(!) when I’m weary of doing everything around here all by myself. When I’m heartsick that Damien doesn’t have his Daddy near, I’m sure I will feel sad, but right now I’m so excited for my husband.
And the future.
Jesse is such a super talented theater professional. If you don’t believe me just google him.
In the three short years we’ve been in Pittsburgh he’s accomplished so much. He’s never stopped putting himself out there and he’s made a name for himself. He’s just defied any expectation I’ve ever had for him. In fact, before we moved here, I had no idea Jess could even nail two boards together.
(All of our bedroom furniture is from Ikea!)
So I knew, I just knew when he was presented with this awesome opportunity, that he had to try. I pretty much knew he had to go out there and see if there was something bigger and better, something that we had never considered.
And ya, I’ve spent some time planning for the worst case scenario. I can’t help but entertain my insecurities about how I won’t be able to handle all the responsibilities of running the house on my own; Jess always does the dishes and he always takes Damien to school in the morning. He’s the only one I tell my troubles to. He’s the fun parent and he fixes things when they break.
I had to ask him to show me how the trim the hedges before he left. (I’ve been willfully ignorant about so many things around here.) I’ll have to get used to taking out the garbage and picking up the CSA and sleeping alone in our big bed.
And I’ve spent more than enough time hoping for the best, too. I’ve been day dreaming about how much fun it will be to road-trip it around the country and see the show in a bunch of different cities.
I’m excited to focus on school and Damien and not have to worry about a full work week.
But the truth is I have no idea what to expect.
Not a clue.
I’ve never been married to a guy that’s on the road for 8 months, while I’m at home trying to run the house and raise the kid and not fail out of nursing school.
And you know, it could be terrible. I’ve thought of that, too. I could end up miserable and lonely and sad, all the time.
But, I am a firm believer that reasonable expectations are the ultimate key to happiness. And right now, I have no idea what to expect.
That seems pretty reasonable, to me.
One of the things I’ve kind of arrived at, since we up and moved here to Pittsburgh, is that I have no idea how good or bad things are going to end up. And there’s no use worrying about it. There is always some possibility or some dream or some screwy situation that you can never plan for. Something you can never anticipate, even if you obsessively worry about every possibility you can imagine.
I had no clue how great things would be when we packed up and moved our lives here to Pittsburgh. None of the emotional catastrophes or tangible disasters I planned for, ever came to pass and it’s been better than I could have ever imagined.
So, I’m just excited for the future and so proud of my husband. I’m looking forward to seeing how things shape up. And right now I’m not sad.
But ya, go ahead and ask me how I feel this time next week.