“that’s the way it goes. but don’t forget, it goes the other way, too.”
it’s true.
my husband is great at being a dad.
this Sunday we are going to celebrate him with banana pancakes in bed
and bacon and a trip to home depot
and the best homemade, little boy Father’s Day present, ever.
I sort of hate these commercial trumped up fake holidays. not only are they contrived and pretty much arbitrary, but if you have any unresolved mixed or confusing feelings about your own parents, you’re just supposed to push them down and pretend your life is a Hallmark card. it can be excruciatingly brutal, celebrating family, if you still have unresolved issues with family.
if your dad’s not around, Father’s Day can feel so lonely.
it can be pretty lonely, even if he’s still around.
anyway, I’ll be keeping all that stuff in mind on Sunday when we celebrate, my husband Jesse, the world’s best dad, ever.
my hope for Father’s Day is the same as Mother’s Day. This Sunday, I hope all the Fathers out there feel honored and celebrated. I hope the all the adults of imperfect flawed and fucked up Fathers can reconcile their mixed up feelings and enjoy being celebrated, themselves.
and I hope no one else is tricked into thinking they have to pretend that their messed up life was perfect and happy or that has to fit into some Father’s Day perfect box.
because it doesn’t.
we honor our Fathers and ourselves when we acknowledge them for who they really are and not some fantasy we wish they were.
life isn’t perfect and it’s not always pretty or fair
I’m so very excited about the awesome progress my little seedling friends have made! I’m convinced my thumb is getting kind of green. I can feel myself burgeoning into a gardener. My seeds have sprouted, into healthy happy little seedlings. I started these suckers about a month ago.
And look!
Look at how good they’re doing. they got a little long and leggy, at first. But, I fixed that situation by potting them really deep in these biodegradable pots.
These pictures are actually almost two weeks old, now. I have since added some fertilizer and started using plant lights and a fan, to toughen these babies up a bit.
They are looking so strong. I’m starting to think about getting my soil and containers, soon.
growing things really makes spring feel special. are you growing a garden? what are you planting?
its been going around on my Facebook, a lot. and it’s been on HuffPo. And sometons all of my mom friends have shared it and commented on it and shared it some more.
it’s this piece called I am Beautiful, Girls or I’ve Started Telling My Daughters I’m Beautiful it’s written by a blogger/mother named Amanda King.
It’s a candid musing, by an off beat mom, about her perfect little girls and her relationship with her body.
I think maybe she is struggling with body acceptance.
Aren’t we all, though, really?
She talks about perceptions of beauty.
and her size.
Her girls are perfect, she says.
“They sparkle and dance and when they sleep they are little perfect tufts of white in the moonlight.”
She is going to start telling herself she’s beautiful, she says, in front of her daughters. She wants them to hear her acknowledge her own beauty. When her daughters are older and their breasts start to sag, they will hate their bodies because that’s what they’ve seen women do. She wants better for her daughters; she wants them to see her “modeling impossible beauty.”
Her essay is so very well written and kind of enchanting and really moving.
My description doesn’t really do it justice and she’s from Pittsburgh, so I like her even more.
I like how she’s clearly not your typical stay at home mommy blogger. I like how she openly addresses her insecurities. she is a great writer. and I like how she seems kind of weird. sort of, like how I see myself.
all of my crunchy mom friends shared her essay. I’ve probably read it a dozen times and it really got me thinking.
why are so many smart, young, capable, accomplished mothers preoccupied with their daughters feeling beautiful? why are these mothers, who tend to buck the establishment and all its patriarchal views about women, why are they so concerned about “feeling” beauty?
AND if its so fucked up and hard for them to reconcile, why in hell are they pushing this problem on their daughters?
it’s confusing, to say the least.
I seriously think, all these moms are missing the mark, when they thrust this heavy bag of must-be-beautiful-all-the-time garbage on their daughters.
Sorry, mommies, but, I guess I’m kind of calling you out.
And who knows, if I will ever have a daughter. I may toss this type of stuff around forever, pontificating and criticizing but, never actually having to deal with the complexities of parenting a little girl.
But I do know, what I’d do, if I had a daughter.
If I had a daughter who looked to me to make some sense of the nuanced and imposing and tangled up role beauty and self-worth will play in her life, I would say it’s OK to be plain.
It’s OK to plain or different.
Or fat or saggy or tired or sexless or even ugly.
Yes, it’s OK to be ugly, daughter of mine.
It’s OK to be any of these things.
And all of these are worthy of love.
I would tell my daughter it’s OK to not be beautiful.
I would tell my daughter not to get caught in the claws of this beauty trap.
I would tell her she’s not a princess.
I would tell her about the many people, all throughout her life, who will judge her worth, based on her appearance. and I will tell her over and over again, that those people are wrong.
I will tell her, even if these people in her life, judge her based on her looks, she shouldn’t judge herself that way.
It’s OK to be exactly how she is.
When I imagine myself having this talk with my imaginary daughter, she is a watermelon radish.
Yup, one of these:
I know it’s absurd.
But, it’s my imagination, isn’t it and my blog and I can pretend my daughter is any type of root vegetable I want.
I am imagining my daughter is a watermelon radish and I’m telling her its OK, if her pale pinkish radish skin is plain and ordinary. I’m telling her its OK to be different from all the other radishes. It’s OK to be ordinary and regular and unremarkable looking. It’s OK to have scars and be nicked around the edges. it’s OK if you’re bruised and imperfect. Its OK to stand out, too, because, you don’t look like everyone else.
I’m telling her all this, my daughter the radish, not because I know one day she will turn into a swan and be beautiful and happy, like in the fairy tale.
I tell her, because no matter how perfect and beautiful and amazing, I think she is now, I know, one day she will be old and her beauty will fade and her skin will get wrinkly, and she might feel invisible and she will have to find a way to love herself.
I tell my daughter the watermelon radish to love herself for everything she is on the inside. I want her to be proud of her heirloom heritage and bright pink insides.
I want my imaginary daughter to cultivate her character. And measure her worth based on her actions and accomplishments.
So that when her radish outsides wilt and she turns unappealing, when she can no longer use her youth and beauty as currency to get what she wants, she will still feel confident in her worth.
I don’t want her to feel heavy and weighted down with the expectations of other people. I want my daughter to pursue a career in math or science. I want her to do it because it will never have occurred to her that she wasn’t good at math.
Do I want to teach my radish daughter to feel beautiful?
Fuck No.
I don’t.
The list of things I want her to feel is so fucking long there will be no room for beautiful on it.
I want her feel strong and capable and confident. I want her to feel kind and compassionate and giving. Honesty, loyalty and bravery all had better rank higher on the list than beauty, for any daughter of mine.
Beauty is such a fucked up complicated double edged sword.
The weight of this burden is why we have eating disorders and red hat ladies and $500 eye cream and fucking cam girls.
All of these things are pretty gross.
and all of these things are the products of little girls coming to terms with the fact that society considers their beauty intrinsically tied to their worth.
And this very heavy beauty burden we give to our daughters, we don’t give it to our sons, and thats not fair.
Can you imagine how absurd it would sound, if I wanted to make sure my son felt handsome?
I mean, on any day except picture day.
almost as absurd as having a radish for a daughter.
…
Am I playing arm chair quarterback to another mother’s parenting?
Yes, I kind of am.
Am I criticizing?
A little, I guess.
Is that OK?
I’m not trying to mommy shame or indulge the mommy war machine. I recognize that we’re all in this parenting thing together. And that it’s hard and that we are all, mostly, doing the best we can.
And YES, I totally understand that last mother on earth and all of my mom friends who shared this post on Facebook, mean well. I totally get that they mean well.
But, this preoccupation with beauty and even weirder “feeling” beautiful, is being shoved down little girls throats from every direction.
I get a little heart sick when I see mothers doing it to their daughters.
It’s poisonous.
Encouraging little girls to strive for traits they can’t control, is misguided. and it’s sick and sad.
it sets them up for failure.
and it’s confusing.
It’s especially sad to me, when young thoughtful mothers, my age, push this crap.
where are the viral essays going around Facebook telling our daughters, that their mothers are strong or resilient or worthy of respect?
we need more of these.
I propose we lay off of daughters, and ourselves.
for fucksake, give the beauty bullshit a rest.
it is such a tiny part of who we are, as women and an even tinier part of who our daughters are, as little girls.
someone PLEASE PLEASE write an essay called I Can Make My Own Destiny, Because I Am Super Fucking Capable, Girls.
thanks.
also, my fellow mamas, while we’re at it, can we pretty please agree to teach our daughters that trading stupid posed duckface selfies for Internet likes, from randoms is majorly lame?
it’s how they end up on pages like jailbait and fap fodder for douchebags likethis.
TL;DR stop shoving dumb beauty bullcrap down girls throats all the time. watermelon radishes are pretty neat looking.
I’m doing a few cucumbers and a couple of eggplant, too.
I ordered an heirloom tomato seed collection from Seed Savers. seed savers is so awesome. they’re this nonprofit, dedicated to preserving endangered heirloom seed varieties. everything is organic, of course, and non GMO.
check out their site, if you’re in the market for some seeds.
my package came with 6 heirloom varieties. Dester, Gold Medal, Lemon Drop, Moon Glow, Italian Heirloom and Red Velvet tomatoes. I ordered some cucumbers, too, because fresh cukes with a little salt are the best things, ever. and they threw in some eggplant seeds, just because they’re awesome.
I tried to do a little growing last year, but it didn’t work out that well. the only things to survive were one extra sturdy tomato plant and a bunch of herbs. I preserved the herbs in olive oil and I’m actually still using them. check out my sweet kitchen trick here.
anyway, here’s what my sweet little seed set-up looks like.
so as you can see, I planted a whole slew of tomatoes.
I have absolutely no idea, what I’ll do if they all sprout.
I don’t really have a spot in the ground to plant. I’m planning on doing them in containers.
I cant wait to see how this little experiment turns out.
hit me up if you know anyone who wants any seedlings.
AND we’ve been in Pittsburgh for two years on April 19th.
since, we’ve made 12 mortgage payments, I think that might mean, we’re adults, now…?
nah, we’re not adults, yet. no way.
anyway, one year later, our home is still awesome. I still love all the same things about it. I’ve gotten used to the big old mortgage payment. We got ourselves a roommate and it’s working out great.
I love the big granite kitchen. And the brick fire place, in dining room. I love that there are three functional toilets, so there is always somewhere to poop.
and I love the big beautiful bay window, in my bedroom.
I love sitting up there on that big old porch, looking at the view of our street, sipping bourbon with my honey, while Damien and Floyd play outside.
Jesse tore out the pool and there’s room to enjoy the backyard, now.
I love that Damien can walk to school and to the park and that so many school friends live near by.
I’m really proud of us, me and Jess. we’ve been through a lot of major life changes together. We did this crazy up-and-move-far-away-from-family-and-friends thing, together, and we never let it fuck with our relationship.
Damien, too. He bounced back from the stress and confusion of moving far away from his family, like a resilient well adjusted little champ.
I am so amazed at how great he’s turning out.
I take all credit for that, by the way.
Seriously, though, we could go anywhere together, Jess, Damien and I.
we could be anywhere together and it would be home.
for Christmas, Jesse and Damien bought me an instant back for my Diana f+ camera. I bought the Diana over the summer, right around the time i bought those Polaroid cameras on e bay. Diana is this adorable analog camera that uses 120mm film. its made by this company called Lomography. (waste some time on their site; it’s pretty neat.)
But, I never got around to using it.
so anyway, it kind of just sat on my shelf looking pretty.
and it is a pretty little camera.
right?
it totally is.
anyway, its a remake, of course.
Of an old cheap toy camera made in China, I think, in the 1960s. Originally they were cheaply made with a fixed plastic lens and designed to sell for around a buck.
the newer version boasts interchangeable lenses and a bunch of cool bells and whistles, like a flash attachment and tripod mount and retails for around 50 bucks a pop.
since everything thats old is new again
they’ve been remade and re-branded
they’re marketed to appeal to the nostalgic, worshiper of kitsch in all of us.
they’re still made out of plastic.
But, the plastic lens and flimsy body are a hugely endearing part of their kitschy appeal. and while I personally, sort of, think, kitsch, for its own sake, as an aesthetic, is kind of distasteful; I like this camera because it combines camp and function.
the plastic lens is also responsible for the dreamy lo-fi charm of the photos this camera produces. these warm softly focused and deeply saturated images brought to you by the cheaply made plastic lens.
pure nostalgia.
anyway, I took all of these shots with the Diana f+ and her intimate life partner, the instant back+.
the instant back, is so flippin cool.
it attaches to the back of the Diana f+ camera and then it magically takes these sweet instant photos.
it’s this little cheap toy plastic camera rigged to take sweet instant photos. I’m completely in love with it.
I’ve had so much fun wasting time and film, taking photos with it.
one of my favorite functions of the Diana, or lack of function, is that you have to manually advance the film. so instead of the film advancing to the next frame automatically, in the way that we’re all sort of used to
remember?
the Diana needs to be manually advanced
or, it will take a double exposure.
like this one:
neat, huh?
anyway, I had been kind of hemming and hawing and dragging my heels about finishing this post and putting it up. partly, because I constantly go back and edit and reedit, over and over again.
so, doing one post takes me like. for. ever.
I’m sure you have noticed my meticulous grammar and the crafty way I weave a story together.
and also, because, in case I haven’t mentioned it enough, already before; I’m in school.
So, I’m, like, really busy.
anyway, the other day, a certain wild and rambunctious 5 year old, who takes up residence here, was wildly and rambunctiously pretending to be a karate chopping ninja, in the way that wild and rambunctious 5 year old boys constantly do.
he was doing all of this in living room.
right next to the bookcase where I display my cute toy cameras and
boom!
my Diana and her instant back went crashing to the floor.
I kind of flipped out on the 5 year old ninja.
there was some yelling, I’m not particularly proud of and there was a little crying, that made me feel like a horrible mother.
BUT, it all subsided pretty quickly, though, because the camera seemed to be working just fine.
until today.
it just started jamming and making this schrill grinding noise and I’m afraid its never going to work again, ever.
the thought of not being able to play with my Diana anymore, sort of, motivated me to get this post posted.
grammar errors and awful story telling aside.
I just wanted to wrap it up and get them out there
to share these neat photos with you, just in case, I don’t get to take anymore, because, maybe my Diana is completely down for the count.
and hopefully, I’m not writing the obituary of my sweet little toy camera and her instant back.
either way, I’ll keep you posted.
and, hey, here’s a little bit a Paul Anka, for ya, singing a weirdly appropriate song called Diana.
So, Wednesday we picked up our first winter CSA share from Penn’s Corner Farm Alliance. And it is pretty awesome. We had such a great experience with our spring/summer CSA from Edible Earth Farm that I was excited to keep it up, over the winter. Edible Earth offered a winter share, but it seemed a little light on the veggies and heavy on the extras. So, it wasn’t quite what I was looking for. Plus, I wanted to put my feelers out there and try something new. I thought it would be fun to compare and contrast my experience with Edible Earth with our new CSA. You know, just to be sure I really love my Edible Earth Farm CSA, as much as I thought.
So, the first box from Penn’s looked great! Let’s check out, what’s in the box?
An enormous butternut squash
Radish microgreens
Rosemary
Carrots
Pac choi
Salad mix (with tons of baby arugula!)
Watermelon radish
Kale (which, I ate, right away)
Belle meadow goat cheese
Fuji apples
So, this box is pretty loaded, with a bunch of good stuff. This CSA delivers every other week, for a total of 9 boxes. So, I kind of figured it would be packed to gills, when we do get a delivery. It’s also, 40 bucks a box, versus the 20 we paid with Edible Earth. So, we paid 360 dollars, up front, for our winter share. Honestly, they are going to have to knock my socks off, because that’s about what we paid for our whole 20 week, summer share from Edible Earth.
Whatever.
We’re trying something new, right?
And it’s worth mentioning, Penn’s Corner is an alliance between a bunch of different farms. They are a group of 30 member farms. I think this farm collective thing sort of insulates against, the subscriber getting a thin share, because the farm had a bad week. It definitely feels less risky.
So far, I really like what I see. All of the produce looks fresh, nothing looked like I needed to hurry up and eat it. The Butternut squash is insanely huge. Its almost as long as my forearm. I’ve been eyeing this butternut squash soup recipe from Cook’s Illustrated, that I am going to have to try. And the apples are seriously some of the best I’ve tried around here and they are already mostly gone. My boys are apple lovers, on the real. And what the hell is a watermelon radish, people?
I think this is going to be fun.
I’m looking forward to exploring my winter CSA, with you guys.
1/2 pound of kale, cleaned and deveined and chopped cross ways
1 teaspoon of balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons chicken stock
1 ounce grated goat cheese
Render the fat from the two slices of bacon. Remove the bacon from the pan and toss in the clean dried and chopped kale leaves. Cook covered for about 5 minutes, and then add chicken stock. Cook covered for about five minutes more. Toss in balsamic vinegar and cook for about 2 minutes more. Remove from heat add crispy bacon pieces and top with grated goat cheese. Enjoy!
I need to work on my food photography skills. it’s looking like I’m the queen of food mourn.
Hi there, welcome back. I haven’t been so super motivated to blog, lately. This has been a nightmarish semester for me. The realities of working full time and doing school full time are pretty harsh. Mostly, I only have time for school and work and occasionally, I get around to doing some cooking and cleaning.
I am kind of a hot mess, right now. and blogging is taking a backseat to all the other shit going on.
anyway, we got our last CSA share from Edible Earth Farm about a month ago, maybe. it was packed with tons of great stuff, including parsnips, which are my ALL TIME FAVE. and some beautiful celeriac, both of which make delicious purees. it was a pretty awesome way to say goodbye to an amazing summer of organic veggies.
We are going to be doing a winter CSA share from Penn’s Corner Farm Alliance, which is set to start the week after Thanksgiving. I’m excited to try something new.
I get so excited for Thanksgiving. Its my favorite holiday, ever. My favorite thing to make is the turkey. Its kind of like religion to me. I use this turkey recipe from Good Eats. I stumbled onto it 5 years ago and I’ve been using it ever since. It works perfectly EVERY TIME.
You brine the turkey for 24 hours, in this amazing salt, sugar brine, that uses candied ginger, for its secret ingredient. The brine is out of sight. it is hands down the PERFECT brine.
The base for the brine is vegetable stock, not water, so it packs a ton of flavor.
did I mention its the perfect brine?
my turkey is always juicy and flavorful and cooked perfectly.
I’m not bragging, its just true.
I usually use store bought vegetable stock, but this recipe calls for a gallon of stock. and at $3.00 a quart I thought making my own might be more economical.
Its the best of the best. I pay $ 30 a year for an online subscription to their recipe database and its 100% worth it.
They aren’t great at Rachael Ray, type streamlined, weeknight meals, but they succeed at providing delicious no fail awesome every time recipes, from food you can easily find in the grocery store. Their recipes can be a little unorthodox and a little on the elaborate side. They operate out of America’s Test Kitchen and their final recipes are based on feedback from “tasters” and on what objectively worked best. I don’t think they necessarily take convenience, into account, which can put off some home cooks. But, if you’re willing to roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty and sink your teeth in a serious recipe, this is the way to go. They are the standard for reliability and I’d trust a Cooks recipe, any day of the week.
This vegetable stock recipe calls for all the common stock staples like onions, carrots, celery, garlic, shallots, parsley and even leeks.
you throw all of those aromatics in a heavy bottomed dutch oven and saute them till caramelized and golden brown, the recipe called for cooking spray but, I used, the last of my Amish roll butter, instead.
at this point my house pretty much smelled like heaven. I tossed the black peppercorns, parsley and bay leaves in with the buttery caramelized veggies.
then you throw in the cauliflower, collard greens, green onions and lemon grass. weird I know, but it works.
you let all that cook together with about 7 cups of warm water for about another 15 minutes, cool, strain and you’re done.
It would be a little bit disingenuous of me to not let you know that the recipe is a little more complicated than I let on in my explanation. And, it actually only produced 2 quarts of stock and I need 2 more for my brine recipe. And it was totally more expensive than store bought stock. However, it tasted Ah-mazing and it was worth every penny. Definitely, a bit of work, but totally appropriate for a super special food Holiday like Thanksgiving.
Give it a try and let me know what you think.
adapted from Cook’s Illustrated Magazine:
It is important to use a heavy-bottomed Dutch oven or stockpot so that the vegetables caramelize properly without burning. A stalk of lemon grass, available in some grocery stores and most Asian markets, adds a clean, refreshing flavor to the stock. If you cannot find lemon grass, however, the flavor will still be very good.
Ingredients
2 medium onions (about 12 ounces), peeled and chopped coarse
10 – 12 cloves garlic, from 1 head, each clove peeled and smashed
8 large shallots (about 8 ounces), sliced thin
1 rib celery, chopped coarse
Vegetable cooking spray
1 small carrot, peeled and chopped coarse
4 large leeks, white and light green parts only, cleaned and chopped coarse (about 5 1/2 cups)
stems fresh parsley leaves (from 1 bunch)
2 bay leaves
1 1/2 teaspoons table salt
1 teaspoon black peppercorns, coarsely cracked
1 pound collard greens, washed, dried, and sliced crosswise into 2-inch strips (about 10 cups packed)
1 small head cauliflower (about 12 ounces), chopped fine (about 4 cups)
8 – 10 sprigs fresh thyme
1 stalk lemon grass, trimmed to bottom 6 inches and bruised with back of chef’s knife
4 medium scallions, white and light green parts, cut into 2-inch lengths
2 teaspoons rice vinegar
Instructions
1. Combine onions, garlic, shallots, celery, and carrot in heavy-bottomed, 8-quart stockpot or Dutch oven; spray vegetables lightly with vegetable cooking spray and toss to coat. Cover and cook over low heat, stirring frequently, until pan bottom shows light brown glaze, 20 to 30 minutes. Add leeks and increase heat to medium; cook, covered, until leeks soften, about 10 minutes. Add 1 1/2 cups hot water and cook, partially covered, until water has evaporated to a glaze and vegetables are very soft, 25 to 35 minutes.
2. Add parsley stems, bay leaves, salt, peppercorns, and 7 cups hot water. Increase heat to medium-high and bring to simmer; reduce heat to medium-low and simmer gently, covered, to blend flavors, about 15 minutes.
3. Add collard greens, cauliflower, thyme, lemon grass, and scallions. Increase heat to medium-high and bring to simmer; reduce heat to low and simmer gently, covered, to blend flavors, about 15 minutes longer. Strain stock through large strainer into 2-quart bowl or container, allowing stock to drip through to drain thoroughly (do not press on solids). Stir vinegar into stock. (Stock can be covered and refrigerated up to 4 days or frozen up to 2 months.)
it’s true.
